The Communication Cheat Sheet: Five Rules for the Conversations You Keep Avoiding.
A free one-page printable you can keep by the phone, on the fridge, or in your pocket before the next hard talk.
Get your copy
Most communication advice tells you to 'talk it out' and leaves you to figure out how.
This is better: the 5 rules I actually use, with couples, with parents and teenagers, with teams I coach, condensed onto one page you can read in 2 minutes and remember in the moment that counts.
I first taught these 5 as a response to a comment on my video, "Communicating Effectively With Your Teenager." One viewer said the same 5 rules work on anyone, not just a teenager, and they were right. They stuck because they're specific enough to use, not just nod along to.
The 5 rules, on one page:
It's one page, front and back if you print it, 5 rules and nothing else. Pin it up, keep it in your wallet, or just open it on your phone before the conversation you've been putting off.
- Don't show up as a bear.
- What your body language is already saying before you say a word: calm face, calm body, calm voice, and why getting that one right changes how the conversation goes.
- Don't see a bear.
- The one-sentence shift in how you look at the other person that lowers your own defensiveness first.
- Eliminate the noise.
- What's actually competing for your attention in a hard conversation, from the phone on the counter to the argument you're still having in your own head, and the fastest way to clear both.
- Listen to understand, not to respond.
- The difference in one line, plus the question to ask when you catch yourself doing the wrong one.
- Express to be understood.
- How to say your own piece once the other person already feels heard, so it lands instead of restarting the fight.
I'm Dr. Paul Jenkins, a Positivity Psychologist.
I've spent more than 30 years in clinical practice working with couples, families, and teams, and these 5 rules are the ones I go back to most, in my own relationships and in the ones I coach, the same ones that hold up in the room when it matters.
Just let me know where to send it.
Check your inbox now. The cheat sheet will be there, ready to print or save, along with a short note on how to actually use it the next time a hard conversation shows up.